The Story of A Fried Egg. 1990 performance script

Title Card/ slide used in the second performance at Artspace in 1993

The Story of a Fried Egg is a story about the excitement. caution and joy of my 7 year old self cooking a fried egg secretly and for the first before my parents got up. I had seen both my mother and father at the stove, had watched them like a hawk so had enough chutzpah at 7 to try. I combined that story with my then (1990) current HIV+ reality of having to take 5 different pills a day some on an empty stomach some with food.along with constantly having blood work.

It  was written as a monologue and preformed at Artspace in Peterborough Ontario and the end of a two months Artist Residency called "The Nancy Ward" in July and August 1990. Artspace was then located in what became the Market Hall Performing Arts Centre If you follow the Market hall link and see what it looks like now, that is not the configuration of the space as it was in 1990. Back then it was a space divided in two with a performance space with a bank of tiered risers with chairs for seating in the south end and large open gallery space in the north. In other words it was a giant playpen for me to play in and invite the public in to mill about or join in. 

poster for The Nancy Ward: Joe Lewis in residence Jul2 2 -August 30 1990

If you want to perform this monologue yourself here are the stage directions. notes on set costume props and images for slides. since it begins with you sauntering in to the spotlight carrying a Aida or shopping bag and singing the 1953 song "Young At Heart" a ballad with music by Johnny Richards and lyrics by Carolyn Leigh.  that Frank Sinatra had a mega hit with,  you need to learn it



now that the song is in your head we'll proceed.
 
Production needs:

sketch for a set idea 1990

Set:an ironing board.  and a chair in front of a slide screen (projections are optional but the projected text is integral to the meaning of the performance but not the story)

 costume:pants, a baggy T shirt tucked into pants, a watch with alarm vintage Adidas Bag or large shoulder bag or  plastic shopping bag 

props: large bag with bottle of water and plastic cups and 20 to 30 pill bottles ( please note performance may be done wet or dry)

sound track: (optional) radio playing low and an alarm clock being set off by stage manager at regular intervals of three minutes 

screen shot from documentation of first performance at Artspace, August 29, 1990

Action: story teller enters from audience carrying all props in bag with them, singing strains of "Young at Heart" stands at ironing board and opens the bag, takes out the water bottle and glass, and begins to tell the STORY OF THE FRIED EGG.

procedure with stage manager and alarm clock:

When the alarm is sounded the story teller must stop and preform the following tasks. open the bottle of water and pour an inch of it into the glass, set both down, then reach into the bag and bring out a pill bottle, stand up, pull open the front of the underskirt and drop the pill bottle into the shirt and pour the water out of cup onto a closed mouth ,wipe the mouth sit down and continue with the story. this action must be repeated every time the alarm is heard.

procedure without stage manager and alarm clock:

The performer will stop the story at several intervals look at their watch announce a progression of times from seven thirty five AM onward until eight thirty am and upon announcing a time, perform the task with the pill bottles as described above.

When the story is finished being told (cue line Woody Wood Pecker is over now)_(the alarm should be left to ring while) the performer pulls up the front of the underskirt and wipes their face and neck while the pill bottles fall with a crash to the floor. end of action freeze to the beat of 10. Then lift a cupped hand to the ear a speak last two lines in a slight whisper (alarm off radio up )

second slide

Text with text from optional slides indicating the break in story for task performance.

Be aware that text as written here is only the basic story, the story changes and expands with improvisation as it is preformed

THE STORY OF A FRIED EGG

This is the story of a fried egg and a story about all the independence that came to the seven year old who learned to create such an object. Imagine, not that you have to. 

Imagine its Sunday morning 7:00 am, Imagine that your parents are still in bed, asleep and that you are hungry, 

Cereal is easy but cereal is boring, and besides that its Sunday morning. 

Slide 3

So, being the brave little soul that you are you look into the cupboard under the kitchen sink and find the tiniest, teeniest  little frying pan that there is and, it weighs a ton, you pull it out, BANG, dam oops hope Mom and dad didn't hear that. 

Slide 4

That's step one, now step two, go into the dining room and look for an empty chair that's laundry, that's coats, that ones Leah's, better not touch that or she'll have a fit, that one, no not that one this one this is the chair. 

slide 5

 

Now what makes more noise pushing or pulling, both but you have come this far your not going to let that stop you it doesn't matter. 

So now the chair is in front of the stove you climb up on it and there.

OH you forgot the eggs and the frying pan, get down. 

slide 6 

 

Now for the fridge, its easily open, but then what the eggs are at the top of the door, you could just reach up there, but you might drop them. 

Now consider what's worse the noise the chair will make as you drag it over here or the mess dropping all the eggs on the floor would make.

 Climb. Open the door as far as it will go, stand on your tippy toes and oh. 

There's a box of eggs on the bottom shelf well that was easier than you thought. 

You smile to yourself. 

slide 7

 

Now what, you've got eggs, frying pan, the chair makes you high enough so you can see into the frying pan when your kneeling down, you don't want to fall of the chair. 

Now butter you've seen Mom do this a million times butter is easy, now what. 

Slide 8

 

Nothing you've got every thing now you just have to do it, yeah do it that's it, o.k. turn the stove on, wait, what if there's no fire and you gas the hole family and go to jail, or maybe you might start a fire. Its almost eight, on Sunday Mom doesn't get up until after woody woodpecker and your really really hungry and besides Mom never gassed the family or started a fire, but she's big, well so are you, didn't she say that the first day she made you go to that stupid school full of those stupid nuns, she said " your a big boy now act like one" 

slide 9

FINE, O.K. turn the knob, poof fire good, now turn it down real small, now the butter, plop you dropped it on the floor, scrape it up that's right now pick the cat hairs out of it and back up on the chair and there, 

oh look its bubbling,

now the egg, 

well you can pick the shells out later.

slide 10 

Now you've seen mom flip a million things a million times, now all you have to do is flip one thing. here's the flipper,  you  start to get down, wait the fire you better turn that off, now where is the flipper, oh yeah a plate back to the dinning room, oh yeah toast, that's easy, you do that all the time, push it down,

now you sit on the chair and think about mom and this egg frying business its hard and she does more then just fry eggs, you sit there looking at the knees of your p.j.s, they're really dirty, 

This house is a real dump, i like it, but your a real little sissy neat thing you even make your bed on Saturday and now your learning to cook. 

slide 11

The toast is up, the eggs are cooked and you didn't even need to flip them and look mom and dad aren't even out of bed yet and look at Scampy with his nose sticking out the hole in the screen and ignoring you. 

All is safe on the western front, you sit down and enjoy the first breakfast that you ever cooked for yourself.

Slide12

Enjoy. but remember, if you don't hurry up and clean up and put everything away its 8:30 now woody wood pecker is over and. 

(drop pills now)

Did you hear that.

The telephone didn't just ring did it? 

                           ---------------------------------The End----------------------------------- 

The Story of a Fried Egg had a second performance at Artspace in 1993 as part of an evening of performance works by  Meita Winkler and myself. Both performances were documented on video neither is spectacular.    

THE STORY OF A FRIED EGG 

 by Joe Lewis © 1990

This is the story of a fried egg and a story about all the

independence that came to the seven year old who learned to

create such an object. Imagine, not that you have to. imagine its

Sunday morning 7:00 am, Imagine that your parents are still in

bed, asleep and that you are hungry, cereal is easy but cereal is

boring, and besides that its Sunday morning.

So, being the brave little soul that you are you look into the

cupboard under the kitchen sink and find the tiniest, teeniest

little frying pan that there is and, it weighs a ton, you pull it

out, BANG, dam oops hope mom and dad didn't hear that.

That's step one, now step two, go into the dining room and look

for an empty chair that's laundry, that's coats, that ones

Leah's, better not touch that or she'll have a fit, that one, no

not that one this one this is the chair.

Now what makes more noise pushing or pulling, both but you have

come this far your not going to let that stop you it doesn't

matter. So now the chair is in front of the stove you climb up on

it and there. OH you forgot the eggs and the frying pan, get down.

Now for the fridge, its easily open, but then what the eggs are

at the top of the door, you could just reach up there, but you

might drop them. Now consider what's worse the noise the chair

will make as you drag it over here or the mess dropping all the

eggs on the floor would make. Climb. Open the door as far as it

will go, stand on your tiptoes and oh. There's a box of eggs

on the bottom shelf well that was easier than you thought. You

smile to yourself.

Now what, you've got eggs, frying pan, the chair makes you high

enough so you can see into the frying pan when your kneeling

down, you don't want to fall of the chair. Now butter you've seen

mom do this a million times butter is easy, now what.

Nothing you've got every thing now you just have to do it, yeah

do it that's it, OK. turn the stove on, wait, what if there's no

fire and you gas the hole family and go to jail, or maybe you

might start a fire. Its almost eight, on Sunday mom doesn't get

up until after woody woodpecker and your really really hungry and

besides mom never gassed the family or started a fire, but she's

big, well so are you, didn't she say that the first day she made

you go to that stupid school full of those stupid nuns, she said

" your a big boy now act like one"

FINE, O.K. turn the knob, poof fire good, now turn it down real

small, now the butter, plop you dropped it on the floor, scrape

it up that's right now pick the cat hairs out of it and back up

on the chair and there, oh look its bubbling, now the egg, well

you can pick the shells out later.

Now you've seen mom flip a million things a million times, now

all you have to do is flip one thing. here's the flipper, you

start to get down, wait the fire you better turn that off, now

where is the flipper,oh yeah a plate back to the dinning room, oh

yeah toast, that's easy, you do that all the time, push it down,

now you sit on the chair and think about mom and this egg frying

business its hard and she does more then just fry eggs, you sit

there looking at the knees of your p.j.s, they're really dirty,

this house is a real dump, i like it, but your a real little

sissy neat thing you even make your bed on Saturday and now your

learning to cook.

The toast is up, the eggs are cooked and you didn't even need to

flip them and look mom and dad aren't even out of bed yet and

look at Scampy (the basset hound)with his nose sticking out the hole in the screen

and ignoring you. All is safe on the western front, you sit down

and enjoy the first breakfast that you ever cooked for yourself.

Enjoy. but remember, if you don't hurry up and clean up and put

everything away its 8:30 now woody wood pecker is over and.

Did you hear that.

The telephone didn't just ring did it?